Back in the Day is the Way

Is it me, or are movie producers increasingly digging the notion of comic book series-turned-movies? Iron Man, The Hulk, and now Hell Boy: The Golden Army. It seems to be a fad in the theaters these days. Lure the super-geeks into seeing their Marvel or whatever brand of hero dodge bullets, size dudes up, morph into immortals at lighting-quick pace, and create flat-out chaos while toting weapons of all sort.

That’s intriguing.

You want to know what I’m increasingly digging? Another high school perv movie. Not so much a high school perv movie like Superbad, American Pie, and others of this ilk, but a flick about kids in their ripest stage of high school youth.

We were at Starbucks in Ardsley, N.Y., last night— Myself, my brother, and two of our buddies from back in the day. These men graduated high school in 2002 but still perused the goods of the buffet-line of high school kids that hang around Starbucks at night.

Hello? What the fuck are you doing hanging out outside of a Starbucks during your rebellious, me-against-the-cops/world high school days? Find one of your buddies mansions, purchase a keg, and have a ripper. And tape it.

Seriously, we need more oldworld films like Dazed and Confused, the 1993 masterpiece that starred Jason London and included household names like Matthew McConaughey and Ben Affleck. A young and prosperous Parker Posey and Joey Lauren Adams also made their imprint known in this film, the former playing that classic bitch senior who is sexy as all get-out but nasty as all hell.

We need to resurrect those type of movies. Movies like Fast Times At Ridgemont High or even National Lampoon’s Senior Trip. This was a popular flick during my high school heyday.

I’ll never forget seeing Tommy Chong playing the bus driver, Red.

I remember the discussion we had when we perused the goods at the Starbucks parking lot last night. Why is this scene so depressing? Why are these girls so incredibly hot? Why do they all have the nicest asses? Creepy, sketchy, barely legal hawk-like gazing that we should be cited for…Call it whatever you would like.

Still, it allowed us all to hark back on when we were freshman and plunged into the high school scene. How callow did we feel? We are in classes with these lava-hot seniors on a whole different echelon as us, having intercourse with older men on a pretty frequent basis and revealing thongs of pink and blue luster as they strut along the hallways.

They were women amongst pre-pubescent boys. It was really a crazy transition and it’s intriguing to see it from both sides of the spectrum. Anyways, that classic high school film, and I’ll use Dazed and Confused as the alpha dog in movies of this genre needs to re-emerge.
We need a movie about the brotherhood of young boys, beers, and breasts. We know they killed the American Pie series (Stifler was really off-the-wall in the last one). There is still hope that another great teenage film—centered on partying, drinking, sex, sex, and sex—will crack the earth’s stratosphere.

A flick that accurately portrays the sudden leap from eighth to ninth grade. Dazed And Confused pinned it down perfectly, knocking us of our boots with the character of Mitch Kramer. That was an efficient account of a character mastering the inevitable adjustment of video game sleepovers to keg parties and easy hook-ups.

Epic.

How long will it take before this finally materializes? How many more movies about a gruesome monster with some kind of weirdo power will I have to endure before my wish is granted?

We are all waiting….

-SMIZZ

In Godson We Trust

After controversial debate about the original title of Nasir Jones’ newest album, the undisputed king of New York decided to release his eighth LP Untitled.

“The fact that the word is no longer [the title], it’s a bigger statement,” Nas proclaimed about the decision to withdraw “Nigger” as the name of the album on the Angie Martinez show; which you can watch in its entirety online at defjam.com.

Mr. Jones continues to express that his concern is focused more on the music than just the title during his exclusive interview on the notorious radio show. Although the word isn’t present on the cover, there is an extremely suggestive portrayal of slave endured lesions in the form of an “N” on the back of the artist himself. Along with the lyrics of each and every symphonic triumph on Untitled, Nas makes you think even when viewing the album cover.

Upon listening to the album, one cannot help but hark back to Illmatic, Mr. Jones’ rookie LP which received the illustrious five mic decoration from, the then perilously acclaimed, Source Magazine. The impermeable rhymes and fluid delivery of Nasty Nas’ lyrics brings a sigh of relief from all the mind-boggling garbage they allow on the radio today (i.e.: Soulja Boy, T-Pain, and Ray-J just to name a minor fraction of an exceedingly long list).

Advice from The Infamous Lawfirm is to go out either to your local compact disc distributor or iTunes and purchase this magnum opus; it might be the only real Hip-Hop you will hear until either Jay-Z, Kanye West or Lil’ Wayne release another album.

On behalf of the Hip-Hop and Rap community, I would like to thank you Nasir Jones for single-handedly saving the music from the destruction of ill-witted lyrics and untalented amateurs that pollute my airwaves with their filth.

-Drew

The Comeback Kid

He’s back like Frank White. After a two-year hiatus—one that was filled with controversy, drama, and a pair of arrests that threatened to taint his image—Busta Rhymes is back in the game.

Last month marked the unleashing of Blessed, a title that’s symbolic of his triumph for return. Busta must have fended off some waves of anxiety after his body guard was killed outside a video shoot. A recent article in Maxim Magazine documents that ultra-ugly violence that emerged between Tony Yayo (In latest news, G-Unit is still garbage. D-BLOCK…D-BLOCK…D-BLOCK you frail bitches!) and an enemy producer.

Nick Catucci, who authored the piece, claims that this incident jump-started a relentless streak of problems.

Busta, whose actions garnered a great deal of scrutiny and criticism, mainly from the white media (the NY Post wrote an article titled “Busta Crimes” in 2007 in which the author opined, “He needs to do some jail time”), is back with a vengeance in Blessed.

Busta Bust seems to have taken his title to heart. In the album, he doesn’t do much to resurrect old, Busta-like jump-offs (bitch, grab ya tits come on!).
The overall harmony of some of Busta’s new tracks seem as regal as the album title.
He has one song with a piano feature to it. In another joint, Mr. Rhymes employs Michael Jackson’s sample voice. The storied Jackson clan’s 1976 hit, “Show You The Way To Go” provides an intriguing punch to the song “Let Me Show You.”

Lyrics of the week: It should serve as no surprise that I would choose a lyric by Q-borough’s finest as the LOW. Simply put, the pure, rapid-fire he was
spittin’ back in the nineties was leaps-and-bounds better than any of the competition (my bad, hovito). And while Illmatic was the album that vaulted him to rap’s upper-echelon, Nas kept it coming with It was written. Thus, albeit a back-in-the-day joint, Nas’ eyebrow-raising verbal blood-lettering in “If I Ruled The World” have been chosen for the week of 7/14-7/18.
“Trips to Paris, I civilized every savage/
Gimme one shot I turn trife life to lavish/
Political prisonners set free, stress free /
No work release purple M3's and jet skis/
Feel the wind breeze in West Indies/
I make Coretta Scott-King mayor the cities and reverse fiends to Willies/
It sounds foul but every girl I meet would go downtown/
I'd open every cell in Attica send em to Africa

Wooooo. As Nasqaq himself likes to say it, “pure fiah.”

-Smizz