Is it me, or are movie producers increasingly digging the notion of comic book series-turned-movies? Iron Man, The Hulk, and now Hell Boy: The Golden Army. It seems to be a fad in the theaters these days. Lure the super-geeks into seeing their Marvel or whatever brand of hero dodge bullets, size dudes up, morph into immortals at lighting-quick pace, and create flat-out chaos while toting weapons of all sort.
That’s intriguing.
You want to know what I’m increasingly digging? Another high school perv movie. Not so much a high school perv movie like Superbad, American Pie, and others of this ilk, but a flick about kids in their ripest stage of high school youth.
We were at Starbucks in Ardsley, N.Y., last night— Myself, my brother, and two of our buddies from back in the day. These men graduated high school in 2002 but still perused the goods of the buffet-line of high school kids that hang around Starbucks at night.
Hello? What the fuck are you doing hanging out outside of a Starbucks during your rebellious, me-against-the-cops/world high school days? Find one of your buddies mansions, purchase a keg, and have a ripper. And tape it.
Seriously, we need more oldworld films like Dazed and Confused, the 1993 masterpiece that starred Jason London and included household names like Matthew McConaughey and Ben Affleck. A young and prosperous Parker Posey and Joey Lauren Adams also made their imprint known in this film, the former playing that classic bitch senior who is sexy as all get-out but nasty as all hell.
We need to resurrect those type of movies. Movies like Fast Times At Ridgemont High or even National Lampoon’s Senior Trip. This was a popular flick during my high school heyday.
I’ll never forget seeing Tommy Chong playing the bus driver, Red.
I remember the discussion we had when we perused the goods at the Starbucks parking lot last night. Why is this scene so depressing? Why are these girls so incredibly hot? Why do they all have the nicest asses? Creepy, sketchy, barely legal hawk-like gazing that we should be cited for…Call it whatever you would like.
Still, it allowed us all to hark back on when we were freshman and plunged into the high school scene. How callow did we feel? We are in classes with these lava-hot seniors on a whole different echelon as us, having intercourse with older men on a pretty frequent basis and revealing thongs of pink and blue luster as they strut along the hallways.
They were women amongst pre-pubescent boys. It was really a crazy transition and it’s intriguing to see it from both sides of the spectrum. Anyways, that classic high school film, and I’ll use Dazed and Confused as the alpha dog in movies of this genre needs to re-emerge.
We need a movie about the brotherhood of young boys, beers, and breasts. We know they killed the American Pie series (Stifler was really off-the-wall in the last one). There is still hope that another great teenage film—centered on partying, drinking, sex, sex, and sex—will crack the earth’s stratosphere.
A flick that accurately portrays the sudden leap from eighth to ninth grade. Dazed And Confused pinned it down perfectly, knocking us of our boots with the character of Mitch Kramer. That was an efficient account of a character mastering the inevitable adjustment of video game sleepovers to keg parties and easy hook-ups.
Epic.
How long will it take before this finally materializes? How many more movies about a gruesome monster with some kind of weirdo power will I have to endure before my wish is granted?
We are all waiting….
-SMIZZ
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